It all boils down to who eats who the fastest to survive. Just kidding. Science and technology is advancing faster than ever. Your local population being slaughtered or getting infected by some disease that still allows the functioning of limbs doesn't sound so far fetched as it used to. I think the possibility of a zombie attack is highly unlikely (impossible), but it's always good to be prepared, right? Just in case...
(besides, I'm running out of articles to write)
1. Most important rule of all: Do NOT get bitten. (That defeats the whole purpose of survival.) But if you do... well, I'm sure your friends will be gentle killing you.
2. If you can help it, don't be fat. Exercise! Build some muscle. Practice your running. Couch potatoes: good luck.
3. Make sure you're wearing comfortable high quality running shoes at all times (except when showering). You'll be doing a lot of running. Trust us.
4. Stock up your house with canned foods, water, medical kit, matches, clothes, ammunition, and weapons. (obviously common sense)
5. Have a backup for everything: generators, batteries, weapons, ammunition, food, escape routes, friends, transportation, leaders, toothbrush etc.
6. Hopefully you already know the zombie-obsessed weirdo in your town (you know who I'm talking about). They probably have all the items/knowledge needed to prepare for a zombie attack. They may even give you some helpful items/survival strategies. Also, they're going to be the first person to recognize a zombie outbreak.
7. Watch as many zombie movies as you can before the breakout. Even if you think they're stupid, you can still learn what kind of Things Not To Do During a Zombie Apocalypse from them.
8. Know your local stores. Gun stores. Grocery stores. Pharmacy stores. Plan the quickest route to get to them.
9. Don't feel bad about stealing items during this time. (The police are too busy with survival to care.)
10. Never let your guard down. Remember to sleep with one eye open. Don't trust your team-mates (if you have any).
11. Use common sense. Never panic. (I know, easier said than done).
12. Keep a radio with you. Pay attention to the news/media. You want to know the exact situation. Knowledge is power (or something like that)
13. Get the hell out of the city. There's too many people there. It's a zombie magnet.
14. Deserted places are sometimes a good idea, sometimes not. You will run out of supplies and there won't be a store within miles.
15. Evil people usually survive pretty long. Why? They have no hesitation to kill other zombies or friends that turn into zombies. And they're selfish and good at planning.
16. By the way, don't hang out with those people. They will turn you into zombie bait.
17. Stay close to large bodies of water. Buy a boat. Zombies aren't known for their ability to swim. (Just make sure YOU know how to swim.)
18. Make sure you're familiar with different types of guns. Semi-automatic rifles are pretty good. The ammunition is cheap so you can carry a lot of it. It also gets targets at a farther range.
19. Don't forget a spare gun.
20. Keep a handgun too. (Just in case you need to kill one of your teammates. You never know.)
21. Don't forget a pocket knife. Those things usually come in handy.
22. Aim for the head. That's where the brain is.
23. ALWAYS have lots of ammunition.
24. Carry a blunt tool with you in case you break rule number 23. Best choice would be a crowbar.
25. If you don't have close friends/cherished family members, good job! You will probably survive. There's no one to hold you back.
26. If you do have friends, avoid teaming up with them. What if you end up having to kill them? (Most people can't handle that emotional trauma)
27. If you broke the previous rule and if your friends turn into zombies. Kill them immediately. Just get it over with. Hesitation only makes things harder. If you'd rather die than kill them
and turn into a zombie, why are you reading this survival guide?
28. If you absolutely can not kill your zombie friend, leave them behind and get far away from that place. Make sure they are locked up. By the way, this reduces your chance of survival (if you had a
chance).
29. Don't elect a psychopath as your leader. Don't elect bloodthirsty killing machines either. Your best choice of a leader will be a muscular athletic nerd. Good luck finding those.
30. Girls: Get a boyfriend. He may end up saving you in a sticky situation. (emphasis on the may)
31. Guys: Tough luck. (Well, maybe you'll get lucky)
32. Whenever you enter a room, the first thing you should do is kill all zombies within sight. Second, scout the room for hiding zombies. Third, plan an escape route for later.
33. Have a back-up escape route.
34. Have a back-up back-up escape route.
35. Zombies don't sleep. Stock up on coffee.
36. Make sure you get SOME sleep. If you don't, you'll end up dead.
37. If you're in a team and sleeping in shifts, keep a weapon close to you. You're teammates may be plotting your end.
38. Keep clean. Take showers. Use soap. Brush your teeth.
39. Make sure you drink enough water and don't dehydrate. (obviously)
40. Only consume things that YOU have made. Don't trust others, they may be poisoning you.
41. Do NOT eat the zombies, no matter how hungry you get. They're full of diseases and you don't know how contagious they are. Besides, they're disgusting.
42. If you have any addictions that is not recommended by a doctor, get rid of them.
43. You should already have an evacuation route to get out of your town. This isn't just useful for zombie apocalypses, it's useful for environmental disasters too. (by the way, public transportation will probably be closed during zombie apocalypses so alwayshave a working vehicle of your own.)
44. Keep an eye on your vehicle's gas meter. If you run out of gas...sucks to be you. Also carry spare tires.
45. Always run if you can. Avoid fighting. Zombies usually travel in hoards (according to TV). It will take too long to fight them all and this gives a chance for more zombies to catch up. If
you insist on fighting, plan out the attack very carefully (hopefully with a high rank military officer).
46. When you have to fight, fight dirty.
47. And maintain distance. Never physically fight with a zombie. You'll only get bit.
48. Don't use chainsaws to fight. (Seriously, dismembering zombies is a BAD idea). Stick to the original stuff: guns, vehicles, and blunt objects.
49. If you're stuck in a room with zombies out the door, try to block the door with chairs or something first! This will buy you 5 seconds to think of a plan.
50. Fire is a great weapon.
51. Try to get a military officer and medical and healthcare expert to join you in your quest for survival.
52. Wear comfortable clothes. Long sleeve shirts AND long sleeve pants. Make sure the material of your pants is hard and won't rip easily. Don't wear too many layers, it will slow you down while runnning. Important areas to protect are the head, arms, ankles, and neck.
53. Try to carry a leather jacket with you. They protect you from the cold/wind, and don't weigh you down.
54. Remember to charge your phone.
55. Make sure you have a few "friends" beside you. You never know when you might need to use them as zombie bait.
56. If you did use them as zombie bait and they survived, RUN! They'll be looking for revenge.
57. Carry a GPS and compass with you at all times. You better have all the large roads in your town
memorized by now.
58. So you've been walking for days until you see another group of survivors. Always observe them from a distance for a while to decide if the situation is safe to approach. Approach slowly and announce yourself, keep a weapon close at hand. (Or you could sneak up and kill them all. They might have some useful supplies.)
59. Remember, if you join their group, they will not appreciate you leaving (unless you're as annoying as me). Be careful who you team up with.
60. Beware aggressive people. Their rash decisions will lead you to your death. (But they're great at killing zombies).
61. Always scout the room for things you could use as weapons.
62. When you arrive at a shelter, turn off all the lights and barricade doors/windows (remember your escape route). The place should look dead and not attract attention.
63. The best shelter is someplace that's easy to defend and provides basic necessities. Large buildings are a bad idea because there's too many entrances to guard.
64. Study and know your enemy. (Know their routines, habits, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes etc.)
65. When you see someone being attacked by zombies, the smart thing to do would be to RUN. They're distracting the zombies long enough for you to get to your destination! Of course, saving the person would be the NICE thing to do.
66. Visit Home Depot and Walmart. They have tonnes of useful stuff. Beware, zombies tend to hang out there.
67. Avoid malls/schools and large public gatherings.
68. If you ever find yourself in a horde of zombies without a weapon, try acting like a zombie. (They're not supposed to be smart). You don't have any other options.
69. Practice your basic survival skills so you'll be ready: hunting, fishing, identifying nonpoisonous plants for food, building a fire without matches etc.
70. Hiding when zombies are knocking on your door is not a good strategy. It only buys you time, but you've got to get out of there.
71. If you are trapped in a room with zombies, you're dead.
72. Remember that zombies may not change their routine just because it's night time. Only travel in broad daylight when you can see better.
73. Remember to take a picture. (This could be a cool story to tell one day. You know, unless everyone else dies.)
Congratulations if you read this ENTIRE survival guide. You are not a lazy person (an extremely important quality needed for survival). Your chances of survival have gone up by 10%.
Lastly, Good Luck! (You'll need it.)
Disclaimer: These are only the basics. The zombie apocalypse has not happened yet, so we can not
guarantee that this survival guide works. (But it probably does).
Additional Stuff: Test your chances of survival at http://zomboid.com/zombie/ (I did not make this quiz)
Note: If you squirm at the sight of anything disgusting or faint at the sight of horror movies, don't bother. You're doomed.
(besides, I'm running out of articles to write)
1. Most important rule of all: Do NOT get bitten. (That defeats the whole purpose of survival.) But if you do... well, I'm sure your friends will be gentle killing you.
2. If you can help it, don't be fat. Exercise! Build some muscle. Practice your running. Couch potatoes: good luck.
3. Make sure you're wearing comfortable high quality running shoes at all times (except when showering). You'll be doing a lot of running. Trust us.
4. Stock up your house with canned foods, water, medical kit, matches, clothes, ammunition, and weapons. (obviously common sense)
5. Have a backup for everything: generators, batteries, weapons, ammunition, food, escape routes, friends, transportation, leaders, toothbrush etc.
6. Hopefully you already know the zombie-obsessed weirdo in your town (you know who I'm talking about). They probably have all the items/knowledge needed to prepare for a zombie attack. They may even give you some helpful items/survival strategies. Also, they're going to be the first person to recognize a zombie outbreak.
7. Watch as many zombie movies as you can before the breakout. Even if you think they're stupid, you can still learn what kind of Things Not To Do During a Zombie Apocalypse from them.
8. Know your local stores. Gun stores. Grocery stores. Pharmacy stores. Plan the quickest route to get to them.
9. Don't feel bad about stealing items during this time. (The police are too busy with survival to care.)
10. Never let your guard down. Remember to sleep with one eye open. Don't trust your team-mates (if you have any).
11. Use common sense. Never panic. (I know, easier said than done).
12. Keep a radio with you. Pay attention to the news/media. You want to know the exact situation. Knowledge is power (or something like that)
13. Get the hell out of the city. There's too many people there. It's a zombie magnet.
14. Deserted places are sometimes a good idea, sometimes not. You will run out of supplies and there won't be a store within miles.
15. Evil people usually survive pretty long. Why? They have no hesitation to kill other zombies or friends that turn into zombies. And they're selfish and good at planning.
16. By the way, don't hang out with those people. They will turn you into zombie bait.
17. Stay close to large bodies of water. Buy a boat. Zombies aren't known for their ability to swim. (Just make sure YOU know how to swim.)
18. Make sure you're familiar with different types of guns. Semi-automatic rifles are pretty good. The ammunition is cheap so you can carry a lot of it. It also gets targets at a farther range.
19. Don't forget a spare gun.
20. Keep a handgun too. (Just in case you need to kill one of your teammates. You never know.)
21. Don't forget a pocket knife. Those things usually come in handy.
22. Aim for the head. That's where the brain is.
23. ALWAYS have lots of ammunition.
24. Carry a blunt tool with you in case you break rule number 23. Best choice would be a crowbar.
25. If you don't have close friends/cherished family members, good job! You will probably survive. There's no one to hold you back.
26. If you do have friends, avoid teaming up with them. What if you end up having to kill them? (Most people can't handle that emotional trauma)
27. If you broke the previous rule and if your friends turn into zombies. Kill them immediately. Just get it over with. Hesitation only makes things harder. If you'd rather die than kill them
and turn into a zombie, why are you reading this survival guide?
28. If you absolutely can not kill your zombie friend, leave them behind and get far away from that place. Make sure they are locked up. By the way, this reduces your chance of survival (if you had a
chance).
29. Don't elect a psychopath as your leader. Don't elect bloodthirsty killing machines either. Your best choice of a leader will be a muscular athletic nerd. Good luck finding those.
30. Girls: Get a boyfriend. He may end up saving you in a sticky situation. (emphasis on the may)
31. Guys: Tough luck. (Well, maybe you'll get lucky)
32. Whenever you enter a room, the first thing you should do is kill all zombies within sight. Second, scout the room for hiding zombies. Third, plan an escape route for later.
33. Have a back-up escape route.
34. Have a back-up back-up escape route.
35. Zombies don't sleep. Stock up on coffee.
36. Make sure you get SOME sleep. If you don't, you'll end up dead.
37. If you're in a team and sleeping in shifts, keep a weapon close to you. You're teammates may be plotting your end.
38. Keep clean. Take showers. Use soap. Brush your teeth.
39. Make sure you drink enough water and don't dehydrate. (obviously)
40. Only consume things that YOU have made. Don't trust others, they may be poisoning you.
41. Do NOT eat the zombies, no matter how hungry you get. They're full of diseases and you don't know how contagious they are. Besides, they're disgusting.
42. If you have any addictions that is not recommended by a doctor, get rid of them.
43. You should already have an evacuation route to get out of your town. This isn't just useful for zombie apocalypses, it's useful for environmental disasters too. (by the way, public transportation will probably be closed during zombie apocalypses so alwayshave a working vehicle of your own.)
44. Keep an eye on your vehicle's gas meter. If you run out of gas...sucks to be you. Also carry spare tires.
45. Always run if you can. Avoid fighting. Zombies usually travel in hoards (according to TV). It will take too long to fight them all and this gives a chance for more zombies to catch up. If
you insist on fighting, plan out the attack very carefully (hopefully with a high rank military officer).
46. When you have to fight, fight dirty.
47. And maintain distance. Never physically fight with a zombie. You'll only get bit.
48. Don't use chainsaws to fight. (Seriously, dismembering zombies is a BAD idea). Stick to the original stuff: guns, vehicles, and blunt objects.
49. If you're stuck in a room with zombies out the door, try to block the door with chairs or something first! This will buy you 5 seconds to think of a plan.
50. Fire is a great weapon.
51. Try to get a military officer and medical and healthcare expert to join you in your quest for survival.
52. Wear comfortable clothes. Long sleeve shirts AND long sleeve pants. Make sure the material of your pants is hard and won't rip easily. Don't wear too many layers, it will slow you down while runnning. Important areas to protect are the head, arms, ankles, and neck.
53. Try to carry a leather jacket with you. They protect you from the cold/wind, and don't weigh you down.
54. Remember to charge your phone.
55. Make sure you have a few "friends" beside you. You never know when you might need to use them as zombie bait.
56. If you did use them as zombie bait and they survived, RUN! They'll be looking for revenge.
57. Carry a GPS and compass with you at all times. You better have all the large roads in your town
memorized by now.
58. So you've been walking for days until you see another group of survivors. Always observe them from a distance for a while to decide if the situation is safe to approach. Approach slowly and announce yourself, keep a weapon close at hand. (Or you could sneak up and kill them all. They might have some useful supplies.)
59. Remember, if you join their group, they will not appreciate you leaving (unless you're as annoying as me). Be careful who you team up with.
60. Beware aggressive people. Their rash decisions will lead you to your death. (But they're great at killing zombies).
61. Always scout the room for things you could use as weapons.
62. When you arrive at a shelter, turn off all the lights and barricade doors/windows (remember your escape route). The place should look dead and not attract attention.
63. The best shelter is someplace that's easy to defend and provides basic necessities. Large buildings are a bad idea because there's too many entrances to guard.
64. Study and know your enemy. (Know their routines, habits, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes etc.)
65. When you see someone being attacked by zombies, the smart thing to do would be to RUN. They're distracting the zombies long enough for you to get to your destination! Of course, saving the person would be the NICE thing to do.
66. Visit Home Depot and Walmart. They have tonnes of useful stuff. Beware, zombies tend to hang out there.
67. Avoid malls/schools and large public gatherings.
68. If you ever find yourself in a horde of zombies without a weapon, try acting like a zombie. (They're not supposed to be smart). You don't have any other options.
69. Practice your basic survival skills so you'll be ready: hunting, fishing, identifying nonpoisonous plants for food, building a fire without matches etc.
70. Hiding when zombies are knocking on your door is not a good strategy. It only buys you time, but you've got to get out of there.
71. If you are trapped in a room with zombies, you're dead.
72. Remember that zombies may not change their routine just because it's night time. Only travel in broad daylight when you can see better.
73. Remember to take a picture. (This could be a cool story to tell one day. You know, unless everyone else dies.)
Congratulations if you read this ENTIRE survival guide. You are not a lazy person (an extremely important quality needed for survival). Your chances of survival have gone up by 10%.
Lastly, Good Luck! (You'll need it.)
Disclaimer: These are only the basics. The zombie apocalypse has not happened yet, so we can not
guarantee that this survival guide works. (But it probably does).
Additional Stuff: Test your chances of survival at http://zomboid.com/zombie/ (I did not make this quiz)
Note: If you squirm at the sight of anything disgusting or faint at the sight of horror movies, don't bother. You're doomed.
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